1 - Confuse the cat.
2 - Lamp, Turky, Noz.
3 - I've provided my own dragon.
4 - Nothing ruins porn like bad writing.
5 - Watching someone you love get married is bittersweet.
6 - If they're gonna play reggae and keep the lights on, then of course it's time to skinny dip.
7 - It's like a poop stain on the otherwise finely pressed white pants that is the weekend.
8 - Gonna do a blitzkrieg on your suzy.
9 - I'm gonna Twitter your ass right now!
10 - Some trains just go around in circles.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Found whilst digging around my companies Intranet...enjoy.
Date: Thu, 21 May 1998 13:03:53 -0700
From:
Attention: All Dataway Employees
Subject: Summer Dress Code
It has come to our attention that the are seasonal changes which occur on planet Earth. These changes are referred to casually by their names: "spring", "summer", "winter", "fall". These seasons define a climatic quaternity which humans use to as a guide to fashion, sporting events, leisure activities, etc.
Dataway has succeeded thus far in business without paying much attention to the seasons. We have not had to worry about seasonal variation in dress, or demeanor thanks to San Francisco's temperate climate and "alternative" lifestyle. We have found that in the Bay Area one can pretty much wear clothes in a fall to summer range all year round without raising any eyebrows. One can even commit a serious seasonal blunder, white shoes after labor day, for example, and the deviant behavior is just shrugged off as an endearing form of "self expression".
If we were content to remain a local player in the industry we would never have to worry about fashion and its relationship to the seasons. But, if we want to grow globally and trans-geographically we will need to pay attention to what the rest of the world considers a very serious matter. Our office in Dublin heralds a new era for Dataway, and makes us a global player in a fast-paced industry. This new position of power brings with it a higher level or personal and global responsibility. As we join the world marketplace, we find that we have to play by new rules. The Summer Dress Code (SDC) is the tentative first step towards a comprehensive seasonal "look and feel" for Dataway employees.
For our purposes, we shall define the technical term "summer" as that period of weeks between Labor Day (observed) and Memorial Day. The exact length of this "season" will vary from year to year, but it is roughly a sixty day period.
The theme of the summer dress code is: "ISLAND LIFE". Auxiliary programs under development at dataway (the Summer Decoration Code, the Summer Hold-Music Code, the Summer Kitchen-Snack-Item Code) will tie into this theme. In this way our workplace will always be one of visual, aural, and personal harmony.
Men are free to choose from a wide variety of slacks, shorts, or brightly colored island sarongs. Shirts can be open chested, or not, short sleeved or long, but should be brightly colored and gaily
patterned. Fabric depicting idyllic scenes of island life is recommended. Slacks and shorts should be loose, brightly colored, made of hemp or light cotton, and should tie at the waste with a string. Women should choose loose fitting dresses or slacks in nice bright colors. Grass skirts with authentic coconut brassieres are especially desirable. Hair should be worn "au natural", or braided, and decorated with exotic foliage. For both sexes, sandals are preferred, but if shoes must be worn then they should be the "top-sider" variety. In some locations bare feet are also acceptable.
The following items are strictly forbidden during the summer: denim, corduroy, "earth tones", boots, tweed, long trench coats, hooded sweat-shirts, woolen hats.
Although we can not make you do it, it would behoove the career minded employee to adapt an island-like, "savoir faire", attitude during the summer season. Smile a lot, meditate on the sound the waves make as they roll up the beach. Practice island greeting phrases and use them on support calls. Learn how to say your name in Hawaiian. Look up the Kaluha on the web. Any activity that enhances our island theme is encouraged.
Remember, this isn't about hemming your creativity, it's about bringing out your originality. With your help, Dataway will become a strong global power, equally at home in all seasons.
** LOOK FOR THE FALL/WINTER DRESS CODE IN A FUTURE COMMUNIQUE **
From:
Attention: All Dataway Employees
Subject: Summer Dress Code
It has come to our attention that the are seasonal changes which occur on planet Earth. These changes are referred to casually by their names: "spring", "summer", "winter", "fall". These seasons define a climatic quaternity which humans use to as a guide to fashion, sporting events, leisure activities, etc.
Dataway has succeeded thus far in business without paying much attention to the seasons. We have not had to worry about seasonal variation in dress, or demeanor thanks to San Francisco's temperate climate and "alternative" lifestyle. We have found that in the Bay Area one can pretty much wear clothes in a fall to summer range all year round without raising any eyebrows. One can even commit a serious seasonal blunder, white shoes after labor day, for example, and the deviant behavior is just shrugged off as an endearing form of "self expression".
If we were content to remain a local player in the industry we would never have to worry about fashion and its relationship to the seasons. But, if we want to grow globally and trans-geographically we will need to pay attention to what the rest of the world considers a very serious matter. Our office in Dublin heralds a new era for Dataway, and makes us a global player in a fast-paced industry. This new position of power brings with it a higher level or personal and global responsibility. As we join the world marketplace, we find that we have to play by new rules. The Summer Dress Code (SDC) is the tentative first step towards a comprehensive seasonal "look and feel" for Dataway employees.
For our purposes, we shall define the technical term "summer" as that period of weeks between Labor Day (observed) and Memorial Day. The exact length of this "season" will vary from year to year, but it is roughly a sixty day period.
The theme of the summer dress code is: "ISLAND LIFE". Auxiliary programs under development at dataway (the Summer Decoration Code, the Summer Hold-Music Code, the Summer Kitchen-Snack-Item Code) will tie into this theme. In this way our workplace will always be one of visual, aural, and personal harmony.
Men are free to choose from a wide variety of slacks, shorts, or brightly colored island sarongs. Shirts can be open chested, or not, short sleeved or long, but should be brightly colored and gaily
patterned. Fabric depicting idyllic scenes of island life is recommended. Slacks and shorts should be loose, brightly colored, made of hemp or light cotton, and should tie at the waste with a string. Women should choose loose fitting dresses or slacks in nice bright colors. Grass skirts with authentic coconut brassieres are especially desirable. Hair should be worn "au natural", or braided, and decorated with exotic foliage. For both sexes, sandals are preferred, but if shoes must be worn then they should be the "top-sider" variety. In some locations bare feet are also acceptable.
The following items are strictly forbidden during the summer: denim, corduroy, "earth tones", boots, tweed, long trench coats, hooded sweat-shirts, woolen hats.
Although we can not make you do it, it would behoove the career minded employee to adapt an island-like, "savoir faire", attitude during the summer season. Smile a lot, meditate on the sound the waves make as they roll up the beach. Practice island greeting phrases and use them on support calls. Learn how to say your name in Hawaiian. Look up the Kaluha on the web. Any activity that enhances our island theme is encouraged.
Remember, this isn't about hemming your creativity, it's about bringing out your originality. With your help, Dataway will become a strong global power, equally at home in all seasons.
** LOOK FOR THE FALL/WINTER DRESS CODE IN A FUTURE COMMUNIQUE **
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
An open letter to all Pigeons
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Pigeon,
I truly appreciate the beauty and majesty of nature, as well as the call of the wild. I understand that, as a street chicken, your day entails eating garbage, shitting on pedestrians, and dodging crazed San Francisco drivers. I also understand that during such a day the desire to find some much needed recreational time is a strong pull. My only request is that, when the desire strikes to find solace in the company another, you could refrain from doing so on the window sill directly in front of my desk.
Basically...stop fucking on my window sill!!! No pigeon sex allowed.
Best regards,
Dean
I truly appreciate the beauty and majesty of nature, as well as the call of the wild. I understand that, as a street chicken, your day entails eating garbage, shitting on pedestrians, and dodging crazed San Francisco drivers. I also understand that during such a day the desire to find some much needed recreational time is a strong pull. My only request is that, when the desire strikes to find solace in the company another, you could refrain from doing so on the window sill directly in front of my desk.
Basically...stop fucking on my window sill!!! No pigeon sex allowed.
Best regards,
Dean
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
10 things I learned this week
1 - Foot long yum rocket.
2 - They make big chairs for fat Americans in Negril.
3 - Let's have hot dogs and make out.
4 - I look like CHiPs with a beard.
5 - WWLD? What would Lesus do?
6 - You're not supposed to say, "Yay!", and eat the last pork rib. Especially when it's your wives b-day.
7 - Squirrel-pig = Elephant.
8 - Camel breath?
9 - The early worm gets caught first.
10 - Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey...You!
2 - They make big chairs for fat Americans in Negril.
3 - Let's have hot dogs and make out.
4 - I look like CHiPs with a beard.
5 - WWLD? What would Lesus do?
6 - You're not supposed to say, "Yay!", and eat the last pork rib. Especially when it's your wives b-day.
7 - Squirrel-pig = Elephant.
8 - Camel breath?
9 - The early worm gets caught first.
10 - Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey...You!
Thursday, July 10, 2008
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