10 Things I Learned Last Week (The, "It's been a long time", edition.)

1 - "I kill your pets first, than destroy you emotionally."
2 - Your prize for the 5th grade beauty pageant is a hamster...of course.
3 - I can still rock out to Metallica, even if I don't have the hair for it anymore.
4 - "That's why I don't shower with people, they'd have to see me pull hair out of my ass crack."
5 - "Cost benefit analysis for sex."
6 - "This is a teaching moment for you, in the fact that he is lame."
7 - "He's not gay, he's short."
8 - "Well if a ferret could do it, so could you."
9 - "Can you make him go away with your iPhone?" Unfortunately there is NOT an app for that.
10 - Teleportation would be cool, expect for the fact that you would have to wait in line.