10 Things I Learned Last Week (The, "It's been a long time", edition.)

1 - "I kill your pets first, than destroy you emotionally."
2 - Your prize for the 5th grade beauty pageant is a hamster...of course.
3 - I can still rock out to Metallica, even if I don't have the hair for it anymore.
4 - "That's why I don't shower with people, they'd have to see me pull hair out of my ass crack."
5 - "Cost benefit analysis for sex."
6 - "This is a teaching moment for you, in the fact that he is lame."
7 - "He's not gay, he's short."
8 - "Well if a ferret could do it, so could you."
9 - "Can you make him go away with your iPhone?" Unfortunately there is NOT an app for that.
10 - Teleportation would be cool, expect for the fact that you would have to wait in line.

10 things I learned last week (December Edition)

1 - "Asian girls that like boys, that's totally different."
2 - "I could bitch slap your ass like no other."
3 - "Let me turn on my poon light."
4 - "I am the most benign person here."
5 - "I was just thinking and you were in my way."
6 - "Dog your Reservoir. Everyone cums in the end."
7 - It's always good to ask yourself, WWRD? (What would Randy do?)
8 - "I'm a little drunk and I'm blond, it's ok."
9 - "Purple Jesus!!"
10 - Who doesn't love jazz hands?

10 things I learned last week (Thanksgiving edition)

1 - "Take it to the belly!"
2 - "Are we public?"
3 - "He's gonna get in the Whitehouse and open up a can of Jihad."
4 - "Man milk, muscle milk."
5 - "You can call me daddy."
6 - "It's the J-town slap."
7 - If it's cat on cat, it's not wrong.
8 - "This is the tasty part of the turkey."
9 - Starch, ya gotta love it.
10 - "I'm sorry it took me 20 minutes to put on Birkenstocks."

10 things I learned last week (And by last week I mean late October/early November)

1 - I can now say I've seen a cockwheel.
2 - "Feel my fur." - "That's not furry, that's fucking porcupine hair."
3 - "Is that what's wrong with you, a beetle got up inside your head?"
4 - "I took my shoes off because I wanted a foot massage."
5 - "I wanna marry him and have little Jeff Fisher babies."
6 - "My cigarette was already lit."
7 - "I'm gonna go make-out now, bye y'all."
8 - "I know my body like I know this bar."
9 - If they can pass you drinks through it, it's called a glory hole.
10 - "I don't think I've ever looked at your face."

10 things I learned this week (With no job the weeks blend together so it's been a few weeks)

1 - "As long as you wake up feeling like a glazed doughnut."
2 - "He's huge in Korea...and Pittsburgh."
3 - "I'm eating midget feet."
4 - "If I saw a penis sticking out of a hole, I would not suck it."
5 - I know someone named "Senor Gropes-a-lot".
6 - "She's George Bush in a dress." - Nine year old in reference to Sarah Palin
7 - "Some lesbian motor boated my pigtails."
8 - "That's like having sex without an orgasm."
9 - September/October are the best months to get laid off.
10 - When someone says, "Be good.", I think the mean be well, cause I don't like being good.

10 things I learned this week(end)

1 - "Would you eat my elk?"
2 - Shool starer
3 - Cockhorn
4 - "She's havin' a ham sandwich."
5 - Hotdog Salad
6 - "Who doesn't want money in the bank in both places?"
7 - Easy is not always that easy
8 - Square peg, round hole, no problem
9 - WWDD?
10 - Fantasy Football made me root for the Redskins

10 things I learned this week

1 - Melon Cream
2 - Rinse and Repeat
3 - Disco brunch rocks!!!
4 - Up, down, and up again.
5 - "If I was straight, I would eat you out!"
6 - Apparently, if it's exposed, you can touch it.
7 - I'm a part of the traveling shit show. I may even be the ring leader.
8 - I look like Jesus.
9 - "We be Dubbin'"
10 - "I peed in church" (That has to be better than pootin' in church.)

And a couple extra for the crowd...

11 - "She's got panties in her pants."
12 - "I'm not gay, I just like to eat pussy."