10 Things I Learned This Week

1) Apparently, I have a blog.
2) "I'm not partying with you, I'm partying at you."
3) "Watch out for my neck eye."
4) Guinness. It's like someone milked god.
5) "I don't like glass tables cause I like it to be private under there."
6) You can take the mooch out of SF, but you can't take the SF out of the mooch.
7) "I'm a different card game away from having a good hand."
8) Snoop Dogg...sorry...Snoop Lion is apparently Bob Marley now.
9) Nothing changes in Napa.
10) How DID the frog get into the pool?

10 Things I Learned Last Week

1 - "His taint tastes like Schnapps"...well whose doesn't?
2 - "You. You are the crazed ferret in my life."
3 - "Brunch is my new favorite dinner."
4 - "First, you need to rent a submarine..." is a great way to start a conversation.
5 - When your buddy takes his shirt off, it's time to leave the party.
6 - "I just punched you in my mind."
7 - Apparently I am "buffed up".
8 - I still don't understand hippies and hula-hoops.
9 - "My farts taste like fleurs." Apparently my friend has French farts.
10 - It would be so cool to be an astronaut named Fritz Derko.

10 Things I Learned Last Week (The, "It's been a long time", edition.)

1 - "I kill your pets first, than destroy you emotionally."
2 - Your prize for the 5th grade beauty pageant is a hamster...of course.
3 - I can still rock out to Metallica, even if I don't have the hair for it anymore.
4 - "That's why I don't shower with people, they'd have to see me pull hair out of my ass crack."
5 - "Cost benefit analysis for sex."
6 - "This is a teaching moment for you, in the fact that he is lame."
7 - "He's not gay, he's short."
8 - "Well if a ferret could do it, so could you."
9 - "Can you make him go away with your iPhone?" Unfortunately there is NOT an app for that.
10 - Teleportation would be cool, expect for the fact that you would have to wait in line.

10 things I learned last week (December Edition)

1 - "Asian girls that like boys, that's totally different."
2 - "I could bitch slap your ass like no other."
3 - "Let me turn on my poon light."
4 - "I am the most benign person here."
5 - "I was just thinking and you were in my way."
6 - "Dog your Reservoir. Everyone cums in the end."
7 - It's always good to ask yourself, WWRD? (What would Randy do?)
8 - "I'm a little drunk and I'm blond, it's ok."
9 - "Purple Jesus!!"
10 - Who doesn't love jazz hands?

10 things I learned last week (Thanksgiving edition)

1 - "Take it to the belly!"
2 - "Are we public?"
3 - "He's gonna get in the Whitehouse and open up a can of Jihad."
4 - "Man milk, muscle milk."
5 - "You can call me daddy."
6 - "It's the J-town slap."
7 - If it's cat on cat, it's not wrong.
8 - "This is the tasty part of the turkey."
9 - Starch, ya gotta love it.
10 - "I'm sorry it took me 20 minutes to put on Birkenstocks."

10 things I learned last week (And by last week I mean late October/early November)

1 - I can now say I've seen a cockwheel.
2 - "Feel my fur." - "That's not furry, that's fucking porcupine hair."
3 - "Is that what's wrong with you, a beetle got up inside your head?"
4 - "I took my shoes off because I wanted a foot massage."
5 - "I wanna marry him and have little Jeff Fisher babies."
6 - "My cigarette was already lit."
7 - "I'm gonna go make-out now, bye y'all."
8 - "I know my body like I know this bar."
9 - If they can pass you drinks through it, it's called a glory hole.
10 - "I don't think I've ever looked at your face."

10 things I learned this week (With no job the weeks blend together so it's been a few weeks)

1 - "As long as you wake up feeling like a glazed doughnut."
2 - "He's huge in Korea...and Pittsburgh."
3 - "I'm eating midget feet."
4 - "If I saw a penis sticking out of a hole, I would not suck it."
5 - I know someone named "Senor Gropes-a-lot".
6 - "She's George Bush in a dress." - Nine year old in reference to Sarah Palin
7 - "Some lesbian motor boated my pigtails."
8 - "That's like having sex without an orgasm."
9 - September/October are the best months to get laid off.
10 - When someone says, "Be good.", I think the mean be well, cause I don't like being good.